Drug Tales: Candyflip

It was around 9PM, specks of light twinkled in the dark sky. The moon stayed hidden behind grand clouds, floating by like heavy blimps. The crisp December air filled the night as the seven of us wandered around the house.

“The party is starting soon.” Danny told me. We were sitting on the couch drinking the last of our beer and watching everyone talk and mingle. We were all going to crowd into two cars and drive to a house-party a couple of blocks away. My hands were moist with sweat and a heavy cloud of anxiety lingered above me. The party wasn’t the cause of my nerve though, I knew that, it was something bigger—my mind went to the acid in my pocket, the acid that was soon to be traveling through my veins and deep into my sub-conscious.

I pulled out a strip of crinkled aluminum foil from my pocket and felt the texture beneath my thumb. Danny leaned closer and stared at this night’s trip. “We should take it now, huh?” He asked.

I opened the foil like you would for a stick of gum—revealing a row of four colorful tabs. I looked at the psychedelic art printed on the blotter and then, carefully, tore a single square off the strip. “Don’t eat it yet” I told Danny as I handed him the tiny stamp.

I stood and began making my rounds to the other two people I was tripping with tonight, the room fell to a murmur as I walked around—the drugs were out, curiosity has been shifted. I gave one tab to Jane—a short pale-skinned girl with colorful hair and piercing green eyes. She grinned and gently pinched the tab between her thumb and forefinger. I walked over to the sofa in the living room where Sara sat. Her hazel eyes followed me as I approached, I offered her the third tab and her eyes shifted from me to the acid. She pressed her lips together and contemplated over the tab in my outreached hand.

I don’t blame her, I thought. The psychedelic experience is always terrifying in the most beautiful of ways—no matter how many times you’ve done it.

“Cmon, it’ll be fun.” I said.

“What if I freak out Jean, or get a bad trip or something?” she asked.

“it’s all mental, you can make the trip whatever you want.” I said. I paused for a second to reassure myself of my words. “Yea, and plus you’re with us; So you’ll have fun.” At this point everyone at the house was surrounding us.

“Ok fine.” Sara said, she grabbed the tab and stood up. Danny, Jane, Sara, and I made a circle and lifted our tabs in the air.

“To one hell of a trip” I said.

We ate our acid. I placed mine under my tongue and let my saliva soak it. I shuddered with excitement and let a long, broken breath trail out of me.

“Welp, lets fucking smoke then man, I’ve been waiting to spark this blunt and the party should be starting soon.” One of our other friends spoke from afar. The seven of us shuffled outside and made our smoking circle.

The night matured as we all got progressively higher, the party didn’t start until 10 and we didn’t want to be the first ones there so we relaxed and let the cloud of THC fill our bodies and souls. I sat on my chair, staring at the smoke that crowded our surroundings. Gradually, the talking and laughter turned into far away murmurs. The grey cloud began to shift into a subtle dance, moving and swirling in ways that I knew smoke couldn’t move and swirl. A smile stretched over my face as I zoned out to this lifelike haze. My vision focused on the dark sky and my body began to feel light. The dark canvas was filled with shifting fractals, the stars and rolling clouds from before now seemed to breath with life—soft golds and gentle reds intertwined with the black and greys of the sky, forming geometric, pulsating visuals.

I was brought back from my trance by Danny nudging me on the shoulder.

“Dude, where’s Sara and Jane?” He asked. His pupils creating two large disks.

Looking into his eyes only gave strength to the acid, now I felt the come up much more vividly. “What?” I said through clenched teeth.

“yea dude, I haven’t seen them. They said they were going inside and they haven’t come back.” He said.

“They got lost inside the house dude!” One of our friends said.

“Probably just tripping out on the couch or something man.” Another added.

“Let’s check inside.” Danny said.

We all got up and filed inside where we searched all the rooms and bathrooms. We found nothing. We went to the front, hoping to catch them on the porch, and saw no sign of them.

“Fuck man.” I muttered.

“They’re walking around the neighborhood dude. They always wander off and shit.” Danny said.

“Fuck man, look you they’re probably like at the end of the street or something. You guys go find them and meet us at the party.” One of the other girls from the group said.

“Cmon Danny. Let’s get them quick, this shit is hitting me fast.” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder to keep myself steady as the world around me swayed.

The others got into one car and Danny and I got into his. We pulled out and drove down the street in a caravan, soon our car broke off down a residential road while the other carried on forward. The girls couldn’t get far I thought. I stared at the trees around us as they changed texture, the asphalt contracted and expanded like lungs. The sky seemed saturated with vibrant light and imagery. I thought of Danny, how fucking high could he be? How is he even driving? I wouldn’t bring it up, I’m sure he was too focused on finding the girls to notice the world around him melting.

“Where do you think they went?” He asked.

“Ok, where would two girls high off drugs wander too at 10:42 at night.” The car stayed silent for a moment. “Hmm… cats man, isn’t there that crazy cat ladies house nearby? I would want to check out some kitties while tripping?”

“Oh dude yes, cats are fucking crazy when your tripping, it’s like they know you’re high.” We both chuckled, feeling like detectives on the hunt.

We turned down another residential road and at the corner we saw them. They were crouched by a bush laughing and waving their hands towards it. They’ve lost it, they’re talking to a damn bush, I thought.

Danny stepped on the gas and we jolted forward, we halted by them with a screech and got out of the car. They ignored us and continued to talk to the bush.

“Oh my god Sara it’s so cute. Look at it!” Jane whispered.

“I want it I’m gonna take it home. Come here cutie” Sara said, snapping her fingers and making clicking noises.

“Why are you trying to take that bush home?” I asked, completely taken back by the scene that was unfolding infront of me. Four humans high off acid gathered around a bush in the middle of a residential neighborhood. Paranoia shook me, the cops were bound to show up at anytime. “We gotta go.” I said.

“Danny look! It’s a little kitty!” Jane said, pointing at the bush.

Danny and I stepped closer and crouched by the girls, inside the bush was a tiny, white, cloud of a kitten. It was rolled up into a little ball and it’s blue eyes sent lightning down my spine. I stayed silent, staring into these endless pools. It’s eyes slowly jumping from person to person, it’s tail flapping against the ground—it knew we were high, it had too. The kitten unraveled itself and stretched it’s body, it yawned and it’s sharp fangs shone in the light from the street lamps. It let out a tiny “mao” and waddled towards us, it’s short legs and plump body swaying with every step, its tail swinging back and forth.

“Oh my god I’m going to die, it’s so fucking cute!” Sara squealed. The kitty came to us and let out a confident meow of approval. We all took turns running our hands through it’s soft, fragile body. It felt like clouds I thought. Some time went by as we took turns petting and holding the kitty, staring into it’s eyes, trying to learn the secrets to the universe. It’s gentle purring bringing us deeper and deeper into a trance, suddenly a car sped by, yanking me from my episode—I shuddered as reality returned.

“Ok we have to go” I said.

Danny stood, “Yea, say goodbye too… what’s it’s name?” He asked.

“Fluffybottom” Jane said confidently.

“Goodbye Fluffybottom.” We all said, taking turns giving our final pats of affection.

Return to your home in the bush I thought to myself. We piled into the car, Danny and Jane in the front and Sara and I in the back. We drove off in silence, leaving the magical bush kitten behind—ready for another group of drugged up teens.

Time morphed and suddenly we were at the party. A block away we saw cars and people becoming dense, the sound of music carried from afar. We rolled through the street—groups of people walking by—until we found an empty patch of grass. We got out and looked towards the direction of the noise. The thumping waves of music reached us a couple of houses down.

“Holy shit man.” Danny said.

“This is gonna get fucking raided heh.” I said.

“Fuck it.” Jane spoke and began walking towards the orb of energy.

At this point the acid was at it’s base level, the people around me melted into the atmosphere, the intense vibrations of the music shook my surroundings, psychedelia washed over everything. We got to where we could see the house clearly now. A square, fenced off, plot of land. A flat one-story home sat in the middle underneath a large tree. A sea of people surrounded it, the thick of the action was to the right of the land by a small boat. The boat itself housed a DJ set and two large speakers where the music exploded out of. The crowd moved and swayed with the sound.

We walked through the swinging gate and began pushing and moving our way through the crowd, holding onto eachother like a linked chain. The faces around me began to break into fractals as the stimuli increased, at one point a blur stepped close to me and whispered “Ecstacy on deck.” Ecstacy I thought… I’ve never tried it. Maybe tonight, maybe. Eventually we saw our group and blended into them.

“Dude this is some wild shit huh?” One of the friends said to us. “Here, sip this.” He handed me a water bottle with an amber liquid splashing inside it. “Is the acid hitting you guys good?” he asked. I took a large gulp of the bottle and felt a warmth spread over my face. I took another sip and handed it to Danny.

“Yes dude. Hard as fuck. Man.” I said. The warmth spread throughout my body. Danny took his couple of gulps and handed the bottle back to our friend. The group talked amongst themselves as I surveyed the surroundings, the sky was clear now and the moon pulsated light, the noise and stimuli would fluctuate in intensity at any given time, the music pierced through me like lightning through a cloud. My eyes fell on a small fire in the middle of a crowd of people.

I walked close to the fire and sat in front of it, the flames dancing and moving for me, telling me the story of time itself. I looked past the fiery tentacles and saw a man dancing in place, he had a 12-pack of beer on his shoulder and long blond hair that stuck to his sweaty face. He looked over at me and we locked eyes. He raised his beer towards me and winked, he took a sip and returned to dancing. “Fucking weird, man.” I muttered to myself.

I stood and wandered some more until I made it past the crowd and to the edge of the fence. Someone grabbed my shoulder and turned me to them, A man with dark skin and a shaved head looked at me with bulging eyes and a sweaty, tensed face. “Hey man! X my man wanna get lit? Some fire fucking X my man right there!” He turned me and pointed to a man with a beanie leaning against the fence. With a little push I found myself in front of him.

“20 a pop my man.” He said casually. His eyes were low and his words slurred as he said them.

“uhm…yes.” I said, fidgeting with my wallet. My needle-like nerves stabbed at me, with my shaking hand I pulled out a bill and handed it to him. The exchange was made and I was back in the sea of faces.

My heart was struggling to keep up with my emotions: excitement, fear, paranoia—all cycling through me. Now or never I thought, I popped the pill in my mouth and forced it down my dry throat. I felt an instant rush go through me and my body tingled with excitement.

I found my way back to the group and asked my friend for another sip of his drink. I took the gulp, a fire ignited in my chest, and I went over to Danny with a you won’t believe this grin. He looked me up and down and grinned.

“Oh fuck,  Jean, why are you smiling like that? What happened?” He asked.

“Oh, I just took some X dude, pretty rad.” I said.

“Dude…” His smile grew and his eyes widened. “Where? I want!” He said.

I pointed at the man and he wandered over. At this point weed started getting passed around. Jane and Sara came back from their own venture.

“Holy shit Jane I’m fucked.” I said, we now formed a circle and lit up a blunt.

“Dude I fucking feel you man, like everything is colors.” She said, having a giggle fit.

“Dude, we met this dude dancing by the fire and he gave us a beer. He was high as fuck too!” Sara said.

At this point Danny returned with the same shit eating grin as me.

The blunt went around and we continued talking the night away. My body grew higher. My very core felt like one big clusterfuck. Euphoria began to splash over me like water from a bucket. Soaking my body fully. Suddenly and violently everything shifted and became overbearing. Just the presence of foreign faces shook me to the core. I had to get out.

I turned to Danny and grabbed him. “Dude…” I said.

He stared at me, his face morphed into an alien figure, his smile stretched and became manic, this candyflip was tearing at my mind.

“Dude…your pupils are freaky man! Fucking crazy!” He said

“Your car keys man! I need them, just need to lay down, man.” I muttured through clenched teeth and a hot face.

“Yea man, here. Go chill a bit.” He said, giving me the keys.

I walked towards the exit, passing more shapeless blurs, someone muttered something and I muttered back—both indistinguishable. I tugged at the chain link fence and my core shook with anxiety, it doesn’t open Christ man I’m trapped, I thought. I felt the sweat ooze out of me, I felt my muscles stiffen, fucking trapped I thought—maybe if I jump it? I leaned my weight on the fence and felt it give, oh, I pushed it open and relief washed over me.

I made it to the car and after fumbling with the keys I was inside, away from the chaos outside. Quiet filled the car, with only the dampened sound of music and voices from afar leaking in. I laid out in the back seat and worked on my breathing; In, out, in, out I told myself—slowly, focus on your breath. What felt like waves of warm, viscous liquid, ran over me. My eyes became heavy and my body light—breath in, breath out, I thought. Darkness took over, nothing but the void took over my senses, but only for a moment.

Geometric shapes began to emerge from the shadows, crawling towards me, growing in detail and color. Fractals splashed over everything, coming and going, leaving behind traces of light. It all seemed alien to me, the sensations where overwhelming, orgasmic, stimulating.

Time went by like this, subtly—like a snail on a leaf in the forest, I thought. Suddenly the thin wisps of voices broke through my kaleidoscope world, then those voices broke through my walls of perception and I was back in the car. A group entered a car next to me and pulled out. I sat there in silence, letting reality return. I sat up and looked out the back window towards the party, it swelled in size. I looked and saw cars parked on any sort of property they could find, groups of people migrated to the mass, the house just barely showing above the flood of people. “fucking hell..” I muttered. I opened the door and stepped out, the noise and energy refreshed my senses and I was ready to return.

I went through the fence and found myself in the thick of it. Pushing past, I walked towards the fire, like a beacon. I arrived and saw the dancing man with the six pack again, this time he was sitting by the fire—drinking and talking to a girl. He’s still going at it, I thought. I looked up to the boat and stood frozen at the scene that was unfolding.

Danny, along with a dozen other strangers, were overflowing from the boat; blunts were being passed around along with joints and alcohol as music smacked into the air. I giggled at the sight of Danny chugging a beer and smoking a blunt, swinging his body and shouting into the sky. The crowd swelled into a single roar that shook the night sky.

“Holy shit, Jean!” Jane appeared next to me with Sara, both looking disheveled and absolutely plastered. “Jean this shit is fucked!” Jane shouted.

“We gotta go, the cops have got to be coming dude! This is getting way too crazy!” Sara said.

A bit of serendipity unfolded as the shrill of sirens broke through the shouts and screams of the crowd.

“Party’s over, that’s it, get fucking moving…NOW!” Spoke a man in uniform at the edge of the fence, he screamed the commands through a microphone. “Cmon everyone out now, party’s dead.”

The crowd stiffened and became dense as everyone huddled together, some scared to advance past the cops, others shouting obscenities, people shaking and panicking.

“fuck the cops” “Fuck this dude, I got work on me man.” “I can’t go dude, I can’t drive.” “Oh my god! Oh god!” “Fuck where is he? I can’t find my boyfriend!” “You can’t make us go! Fuck you pigs!”

            I looked over at the boat and people were jumping off, some threw paraphernalia to the ground and ducked into the safety of the crowd. The music died and now all that was left of the night was the noise of the crowd, and the flashing red and blue light.

“Jean! Guys!” Danny pushed his way too us and grabbed Jane by the arm. “Let’s get out of here, they aren’t gonna do shit. They just want us out of here.”

“Cmon, let’s go Sara.” I grabbed Sara by her hand and the four of us squeezed through the maze of human bodies. The smell of sweat, weed, and booze assaulted me as I made my way to the front. The flashing lights became brighter as we got closer, the cop with the microphone continued to drone on. “Party’s over…get out of here…party’s dead…”

A steady stream of misfits were draining out from the ocean of people. Beams of light shone on everyone as they exited, tension filled the air as the cops gazed over the herd. Danny, Jane, Sara, and I slipped through the fence, my nerves on the brink of bursting. We walked past the uniforms—trying to hide the fact that the ground beneath me was still breathing and shifting—and made it to the car.

“Holy shit dude.” I said, letting the stress of that walk fall off me.

“Holy shit is right man, ok lets get out of here.” Danny said.

“Are you good to drive?” Sara asked.

“No” Danny said as he pulled out and drove down the street, past the cop cars.

“You just gotta get us home, that’s it.” Jane said.

I looked at the time on the dashboard, 1:15AM. Danny lowered the window and the car filled with crisp air. We drove in silence, the visuals now coming to a decline, the waves of euphoria becoming sparse, the weight and strain of a long night returning to my body. The sweat on my brow dried and I closed my eyes as I felt the sharp wind go through my face. My breathing was heavy and slow, my body became loose and weak. My thoughts grew thin and soon sleep came.

My ceiling fan was the first thing that came to me, the soothing sound as it spun. I felt the softness of a bed beneath my body next, I felt the warmth of my blanket draped over me. I opened my eyes and let my blurry vision focus on my surroundings, I was in my room, it was still dark. I Looked over at my alarm clock, 5:23AM. I made it home I thought.

“One hell of a trip” I muttered, letting sleep take me once more.

 

More Drug Tales Drug Tales: The Trip Drug Tales: One more dance

Advertisements

Drug Tales: The Trip

Thinking back on it, i don’t remember ever taking that dose of LSD. L…S…D… It felt weird thinking of those letters, they felt foreign as i muttered them. One moment i was looking down at a tiny piece of colorful paper and the next i’m here, out in the middle of a golf course under countless stars(countless because i tried counting them and stopped after 50) and a smiling moon. I continued to look up at the sky as it shifted and moved like a mirage in the desert. Was the moon breathing? It looked like it, better yet it felt like it. Looking up at this crescent-shaped hole cut into the dark fabric of the night sky was surreal. It spoke to me, not in plain English but in bursts of emotions and visuals.

The stars looked more and more like gems glued to a dark canvas and hung only a couple of yards above me. The sounds of the wind blowing by and the grass shifting beneath my weight drowned my senses.  I was surrounded in a dome of natural sensations, like melting into the earth and seeing everything all at once without even shifting my gaze. I took in a long breath and held it, the visuals and fractals strengthened and saturated the sky as i breathed out. I was motionless except for my eyes, darting from star to star. A moment of bliss weighed me down and i closed my eyes.

I felt the sensation of falling, falling deep into a void. I didn’t know in what direction i was falling but the sensation was true and intense. A golden hue began to creep from the corners of the darkness and colors of greens and blues danced around like fireflies in the sky. My body tensed up and the visuals grew frantic, throwing themselves at me, small dots in the far distance growing into massive objects that took up my very being, only to disappear again. My body began to stretch, like a rubber band being pulled to it’s stretching point, the world began to shake beneath me(or at least it felt like it) A humming sound began in the back of my head and grew slowly in pitch and strength. The fractals and colors and shapes all began rushing past me, i was flying now, flying through this fractal-filled cosmos. The noise grew and grew into a piercing BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Then suddenly silence, the heaviest silence i have ever felt, it crushed my body under the weight of it, the silence seemed to carry on for years(though i knew that not even a second has passed by. Then a moment later i heard, and felt, a rip. Like the fabric of space and time being torn in half right in front of me. chaos broke through and now all my senses where thrown and bent and scattered and formed all at once into a vivid ball of energy, my form melted away and any resemblance of a human form was gone. Images of foreign entities and sounds and noises that felt as ancient as they sounded presented themselves to me. I felt like my brain were to snap under the immense stimulus. moments, or years i truly couldn’t tell, went by and everything began to fade.

The sounds withered into the background and the noise of wind and swaying grass came to the foreground. Sensations began to blanket me again, my pores and my skin began to feel once more. My heavy eyelids became weightless again and slowly i opened them. The glimmering stars and the white crescent moon took up my sight. The void-like sky seemed endless to me, the whole scene was both overwhelming and peaceful. My thoughts slowly trickled back into my consciousness.  How much time has passed? Did i really take that acid? Was it a dream? Could this be real? I reached my hand up, hoping to grab the moon or a stray star but only gripping cold air. I smiled and let out a small chuckle, i was comfortable now. I felt safe now, this was one hell of a trip i thought.

Drug Tales: One more dance

“Yes! Yes! ahah spin me my love!” She shouted as loud as her frail voice could shout. She was spinning looking up at the ceiling watching the room around her blend into a thick blur. She let the cold air touch her skin as she flailed and kicked, letting chemicals gush out of her pores as sweat. Her white teeth glaring through her widely stretched smile. Swirling around and showing her joy through moans and yelps.

I sat there staring at her, my knee jumping up and down and my hands scanning every inch of my surroundings for comfort. The thin layer of sweat on my brow now dripped down my temple. An energy in me beckoning, calling, pushing me to join this display of unadulterated excitement. To flail and kick and shout freely into the air. I sprang to my feet and let out a cry of passion. The music, screeching and moaning alongside us, adding to the beautiful chaos of it all.

Another swayed back and forth in the corner of the room, letting the music lift him and drop him and throw him about like a puppet. Letting the music twist and mold his body and soul into a ball of energy that thrashed about with every pluck of the guitar string and every shout from the vocals.

A cluster of energy so thick that it seemed to weigh down the air around us. That did not matter still, for we were all weightless, floating through space. Looking in through the window one would imagine a ritual or a murder to be happening. With the sporadic thrashing and the sudden yelps and shouts and the shake-you-to-your-core laughter! But too the three of us, this was sex, this was love, this was happiness, this was the purity of everything beautiful in the world, stripped of any filth, of anything improper, of any sort of unnatural essence. this was ecstasy.

So they danced, and they moved, and they felt, and they laughed, and they cried, and they lived. All withing the span of a single song. Crashing down to the ground in a sweaty pile of psychedelia and chemicals. They chuckled in between gasps of air, they locked eyes with one another, feeling their souls. The next song began and they smiled, they stood and closed their eyes, letting the music inject itself into their bloodstream. Just one more dance.

MDMA: The earth, our mother.

This is a part of the MDMA story that I left out because i didn’t feel it was finished and couldn’t really find a spot for it. But i thought it would be nice to put it out just so you would have an idea of some of the things we talked about during out trip.

The earth, our mother, our savior, our creator. Looking around me I saw just how beautiful this artificial nature was and it made me start to think of the wonders that were here before us. Before humans, before civilization, before advancement, there was earth. Nature, animals, trees and plants, Another world completely different then the one we live in now. I looked over at my girlfriend with pressure behind my eyes and a shakiness in my voice. “This earth, how she loves us, how she cares for us. Her and her children all give us life, The sun warms our cold souls and the moon heals our broken hearts. The earth gives us a home and food and life and she does not ask for much in return. All she asks for is to be loved by her children, to be taken care of. Yet, like the leeches we are we suck away at her life source. We suck away at all that she gives us and then demand more and more. She is dying, we are killing her, and when the world has given up on her children and left us to die; only then will we know our wrong doings.”

My eyes swelled, like speaking of a dying relative I felt sorrow when speaking about her. The wind blew and dried the tears on my face, telling me it’s ok, telling me not to hurt. We continued for a couple of laps around the park speaking of things far beyond the everyday water cooler talk. We spoke of how fragile human life is, of how fragile every life is. We spoke of cultures and ways of living and spoke of our passions and the fires inside us. We spoke of things that will be taken to our grave and of ideas that the world must know of. We must have exhausted our time at the park because like last time the universe wanted us to move, and so began the rain; it began to pour like a waterfall coming down from the stars. We ran to the car but not before getting completely soaked in the process, jumping inside we were shivering and wet but satisfied with our journey. The drive back was peaceful, we were in the car singing along to music reliving all those beautiful moments throughout the night and overall in pure bliss. we arrived at my house at around 4 AM and quietly made our way back into the safety of my room. We both had no issue falling asleep in each others arms that night, both our bodies and souls were so strained from the exertion of energy that as soon as our bodies fell onto the bed we drifted.

That MDMA experience was a week ago and I still get goosebumps thinking of the emotions i felt and the words we spoke about. An experience that will stay close to my being, something that will not fade away, it has become a part of me.

MDMA(Pt.3):The quiet night.

Getting ready to go out into the open world was a struggle on its own. whether it  was the drugs or the aftermath of such a release of energy – our minds were a bit scattered. After some time we packed some essentials (weed, water, and our bowl) and carried on. The first stop of the night was the railroad tracks by my house. The drive was difficult considering I couldn’t see straight but with the windows down and the music blasting it felt like a short trip. once arriving at the railroad tracks we settled down and smoked a few bowl packs. With every exhale of smoke we exhaled along with it our worries and doubts. The night was unfolding into something beautiful and we both felt it, Unfortunately the universe didn’t want us staying in that area for too long and so it began to throw rain at us, like it was telling us to go, there are better things to see and better things to experience.

After a quick run to the car we departed to a park nearby where I’ve taken her before. A park where we released some sentimental emotions before and so it felt like a calling to come back to her and release some more. We must have chosen the right spot because as soon as we arrived the rain let up. “I remember this place” She told me with a smile on her face, “I love this place,” “me too” I said.

We both stepped out into the cold night and began walking along the trail, the park had trees that hugged the path shielding us from the wind and the light sprinkle of rain, past the trees you could see a large open field where the wind would dance. Walking down the path hand in hand i began to feel a warmth take over me and soon my emotions began to spill out into the crisp air.

Words were spilled. Emotions were felt. Ideas and philosophies about life, love, death, and the after-life filled the quiet night. Our bodies huddled close to conserve heat as the wind blew onto us. Two souls lost in the grand scheme of things but at that very moment we were at peace. At that very moment it was ok. At this point the MDMA began its final stages of descent along with our strength and energy. We decided to call it a night at about five in the morning. The drive back home was quiet, the world was quiet; this beautiful aura followed us home that night and as we laid together it enveloped us and warmed our aching bodies. Thoughts of the night flowed across my mind like a stream flowing through pebbles and wildlife. A calming collection of thoughts and images and senses cooed me to a deep slumber. A night ingrained into my soul, another memory, another beautiful experience, and so I grew just a little more that night.

MDMA(pt.2): Fade away.

We were both already over an hour into our rolls and the energy was manifesting into something physical. Soon our emotions began to release and pour out like a broken pipe, gushing our souls into each other we looked into one another’s eyes. The intimacy reached on that bed was beyond words, if only I could bottle up energy and show the world only then would they understand our love. Our lips met in between every release of emotion and intimacy. Like Being flung into space every kiss was a smack away from reality and into this other realm that should only be left for gods to experience.  We talked and talked and felt and laughed and loved for what seemed like eons when in reality it was only an hour.

The music continued to serenade us one song at a time and with our eyes closed we began to sing and serenade one another. A song by Mazzy Star began to play and she began to sing to me. Her voice, it was beautiful; But not beautiful like the people on american idol, no, that discription is much too plain. The kind of voice that can bring light to darkness itself. The kind of beauty that only the cosmos themselves experience. The kind of beauty that must have fallen from the heaven and found its way into this magnificent soul. She sang and with every word a wave of euphoria crashed upon my body. The passion and love that she put behind every word broke me down and turned me into pure energy, pure compassion, pure unfiltered emotion. “fade into me” she sung  and as her words left her sweet lips and landed upon my ears I felt every atom in my body and soul truly fade into her.

The music faded away and we both opened our eyes to a much more psychedelic world. At this point we were both well into our peek and ready to leave the confines of this room and enter into a greater world.

MDMA(pt.1): The come up.

It was a little over half an hour since my girlfriend and i ingested approximately .125 mg of MDMA, We both laid in bed under the covers starring up at the ceiling waiting for the warmth to take over. My skin was cold and dry, yet feeling my palms i noticed that they were wet with sweat. whether those were the nerves or the drug kicking in i’ll never know. My thoughts were jumping around in my head just like my heart was prancing about in my chest, It was subtle but eventually an airiness began to fill me, the air from the fan blowing on my face suddenly got colder or maybe i was just able to feel it in greater detail… “i have to use the bathroom” i half muttered to my girlfriend, who was just starting to come up herself.

Her skin was cold to the touch but somehow she was still able to radiate warmth. Hey eyes glued to the ceiling like it was showing her the meaning of life. her body moving and tossing, her fingers fidgeting under the covers, We were certain to come up together.

You never truly know how fucked you are until the moment your world becomes vertical and the soles of your feet hit the ground. Standing up didn’t feel human, it felt like puppet strings gently lifting me up from bed only to swing me towards the direction of the bathroom. Looking at the mirror Was like looking at a wax statue of yourself, my vision only slightly blurring the outline of a human shape.

I returned to the room, this time with a much wider smile then when i left, As i entered through the doorway i was greeted by the sound of Jimi Hendrix filling every corner of the room and every inch of my soul. The sound of the music was now becoming physical, something i could touch and feel, something that grabbed my by the arms and began to pull and push, swinging me about with every intense pluck of the guitar string. I was picked up high with the beats of the drums and slowly carried back to earth by Jimi’s voice. Every note and every sound and every vibration creating a whirlwind in my body, something that kept me from staying still, and so i danced. I danced and moved and swung and bent and jumped and breathed and lived all in the name of music.

My girlfriend knowing that this was a moment worth capturing grabbed my film camera and aimed it towards this lost soul, waiting….waiting…waiting…snapping at just the right step and snapping again at just the right note. The song ended along with that sudden burst of energy in me. With my chest rising and falling i met her eyes and smiled as i collapsed onto the bed, “this shit hit me hard.”